A Skegness Comic Opera composed in 1934
“The Skegness Monster”
Magazine Night at the Skegness Wesley Guild was always an entertaining feature and an issue printed in 1934 and edited by Mr Norman Walls, was no exception to the general rule.
One of the outstanding contributions by an anonymous member of the guild was a comic opera, “The Skegness Monster”, written with apologies to Sir W S Gilbert and others.
Certain members of the Skegness Council figure very prominently.
I am attempting to identify the characters in the opera and find pictures of them. These will be added as success befalls me:
Mayor of Skegness 1933-1934, Coun W Hudson. Mr Hudson owned a chemist shop in Skegness and sold a cough mixture called “Breathe Easy”, to which reference is made in the lyrics of the Skegness Comic Opera.
Skegness Councillor Dr Sweeton
The comic opera was obviously written to one of Gilbert and Sullivan’s operettas. By looking at the cadence of the lyrics and also the considering the obvious clue in the verse which begins “Defer! Defer! To the Skegness Foreshore Manager”, I am almost certain the chorus music is “Behold the Lord High Executioner” from The Mikado. I would be grateful for the opinion of any experts in this field.
Video “Behold the Lord High Executioner” from The Mikado
The libretto is as follows:
Comic Opera
“The Skegness Monster”
With apologies to Gilbert and others.
Act I Scene - The Council Chamber
Opening Chorus. The Council
For in contemplative fashion
We the Skegness Council meet,
For deep silence we’ve a passion
Never rising from our seat.
But in quiet meditation,
We all keep our proper station,
And we need no education,
For we are the town’s elite.
Song: The Mayor
When I was a lad in a chemist’s shop,
I worked in Lincoln but did not stop,
I came to Skegness to live near the sea,
And now I am the Chairman of the UDC.
Chorus:
He came to Skegness to live near the sea,
And now he is the Chairman of the UDC.
The Mayor
When I grew up and had been here a bit,
I made “Breathe Easy” and it made a big hit,
A Councillor I aspired to be,
And now I am the Chairman of the UDC.
To dozens of dinners they now ask me,
And at all the dances I am made MC,
I stopped the sewage from going in the sea,
And now I am the Chairman of the UDC.
Enter Mr Tippet
Oh Mr Mayor and gentlemen,
I am sorry to have to say
That a terrible beast
Is having a feast
And has come to the town to stay.
It’s swimming about in the bathing pool,
And it’s breath is hot as fire,
It has frightened the boys,
It is making a noise
As loud as the Methodist choir.
And the water is overflowing,
It is filling the North Parade,
And the boss of the pool
Has asked Mr Cule
To order the fire brigade.
And although the monster is bathing,
And Clara is giving it cake,
‘Twill be here by and bye
So I warn you to fly
For your wives’ and your children’s sake.
Chorus: The Council
What a pity we must leave you,
We would not like to deceive you,
But remember that the Monster must have left Loch Ness,
Adieu, adieu, kind friends, adieu, adieu, adieu,
We can no longer stay with you, stay with you,
The Standing Orders do not now apply,
So Mister Tippet we must fly, fly, fly.
Song: Councillor Davey
But stay just a moment, my comrades and friends,
I have an idea, but much will depend,
On what Billy Butlin is willing to spend.
Council:
And what is your idea?
Councillor Davey
Speaking now as the Clerk to the Advancement Committee,
We advise yo to sell it to Butlin’s Joy City.
Just think what an advert ’twill be to Skegness
“Day trips to the Monster, That’s come from Loch Ness”.
Several Councillors
Let us have the Foreshore Manager’s advice
Let us have him in. Ah! here he is.
Chorus: The Council
Behold the Skegness Foreshore Manager,
A personage who ought to try and aid us.
If he insists that we must capture her,
We can tell our wives that he made us.
Defer! Defer!
To the Skegness Foreshore Manager.
Defer! Defer!
To the Manager, to the Manager,
To the Skegness Foreshore Manager.
Song: The Foreshore Manager
Well, I think we should keep it,
As a seasonal attraction.
We could feed it to repletion
At a cost less than a fraction.
In the Waterway at night,
We could house it near the beach,
And to see the Skegness Monster,
We could charge a shilling each.
Song: The Surveyor
Although I am the Surveyor
Of the Skegness UDC,
Please don’t think I’m the purveyor
Of this huge monstrosity.
When I planned the waterway,
I did not, I oughter say,
Make a nest in which to stay
For this monster of Skegness.
Trio: Dr Wallace, Dr Sweeton, Dr A…n
And we think we ought to warn you,
And we think you ought to know,
If the monster gets pneumonia
It will smell then, so-so
You may kill it, or drown it,
In the famous Cowbank drain,
It may drift into the ocean,
But ’twill come back again.
The Foreshore Manager
I hope that all you Councillors
Remember that we still
Posess a place where men may go
If they are feeling ill.
And if the treatment’s good for them
To bask in violet rays,
May not a monster, too, be cured,
In scientific ways.
The Solarium Manageress
If you bring it in our Solarium,
I very cross shall be.
I shall want my honorarium
Then multiplied by three.
For although the violet rays
May improve the monster’s ways,
If it wants to climb the stairium,
What will become of me?
The Mayor
Now you’ve heard the why and wherefore,
And as Mayor, I rule that therefore
We should go and claim the Monster for the town.
Interview the new attraction,
Take the necessary action
To induce the monster now to settle down.
So the “Skegness News” may boo,
And the “Skegness Standard” too,
But we hope they’ll tell their readers
That of dangers there are none.
So we’ll end the morning’s session.
And we’ll walk up in procession
With the gratifying feelings that our duty has been done.
Act II Scene - The Bathing Pool
Song: The Bathing Pool Manager
Oh, Good morning, Mr Mayor and Corporation,
I welcome you to this our Bathing Pool.
I will give you any needful information,
Request you then to test the water cool.
But I must ask you all to show your passes,
For managerial duty must be done,
Though I don’t confuse you with the common classes,
And a Counc’llor’s lot is not a happy one.
Song: The Mayor
We have come to capture the monster,
The monster that’s come from Loch Ness,
Mr Tippet has told us it’s here, Sir,
The news is all over Skegness.
So come let us look at the water,
Why, there’s only one thing to be seen.
It is certainly small for a monster,
I wonder how long it has been?
It’s moving with great palpitation
And making a very loud sound.
Just whistle it over to this side,
Perhaps it will come with a bound.
Good gracious! But surely it can’t be?
Am I in the midst of a dream?
Catch hold of me someone or maybe
I’ll fall in a faint in the stream.
I must have run into a Morris,
An Austin or some other terror,
But no, I was right, yes it’s HORACE!
It is Councillor Horace from Burgh!
Song: Councillor W…..y [Burgh Councillor]
What means this assembly?
You make me all trembly,
Why trespass on private ablutions?
Though full of verbrosity,
I’m not a monstrosity,
You all seem to be full of delusions.
Why are you all quaking?
The noise I was making
While bathing in this institution,
I was speaking out loud
For the good of the crowd,
The gist of my next resolution.
Don’t think I was fooling,
My brain I was cooling,
Now here is a waitress, I beckoned her,
I move we have tea,
Leave the paying to me.
But again I haven’t a seconder.
Final chorus:
So the “Skegness News” may boo,
And the “Skegness Standard” too,
But we hope they’ll tell their readers
That of dangers there are none.
Let him move his resolutions
And leave him to his ablutions,
With a gratifying feeling that his duty had been done.
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